Sorry for the Group Email

The goal from Pai was always to get out of Thailand. Pai, of course, isn’t on any international borders, so we had to get to Chiang Kong, which sits on the Laotian border and the Mekong River.

There are two ways to get from Pai to Chiang Kong. Option one involves taking the government bus back to Chiang Mai, then another bus to Chiang Rai, then a final bus to Chiang Kong. Total travelling time: about two days, assuming friendly bus schedules. Option two was an express minibus directly from Pai to Chiang Kong. Total travelling time: nine hours.

I should preface what comes next with the news that Pai was my first unpleasant brush with what we’ll euphemistically call travel sickness. I didn’t fancy spending a few days in random hostels, so we opted for the air-conditioned, “VIP” minibus.

Here’s the skinny for anyone about to leave for Thailand:

Never, ever, ever, no matter what anyone says, or how cheap it is, should you get on board a tourist minibus with a view to actually riding it.

We took the government bus to Pai, which was relaxing if for no reason other than it was so old that it couldn’t actually reach a speed fast enough to either feel dangerous or nauseating. The tourist minibus managed both of those within five minutes.

I turned a sort of sea-green and gripped the frame of the window, praying I wouldn’t go down in the memories of our fellow travellers as the man who threw up.

Luckily, Mendy got there first. Suddenly, she swooped for our emergency plastic bag and was, with quite remarkable discretion and silence, sick into it.

I barely noticed a thing until she handed me a disturbingly heavy bag with the words “out the window”. I never realised you could vomit silently and gracefully. My wife is the Princess Grace of vomiting.

After nearly two hours of throwing us around Thailand’s back roads at tyre-testing speeds, we reached a beautiful, four-lane, straight highway. I nearly cried with relief. The rest of the journey was relatively straight – we had a change of driver as well which didn’t hurt.

We arrived in Chiang Kong, on the Thailand-Laos border, at nearly five in the morning. Sick, exhausted and trembling, we checked into the first hotel we saw. A bare light-bulb barely lit the double mattress thrown on the floor. We sighed with exhaustion and pulled ourselves into our sleeping bags.

Never, ever again. From here it’s government buses or bust.

Dave isn’t quite over whatever it was he had in Pai, but (touch wood) it’s on its way out. Messages of sympathy and get-well-soons below, please. And more, of course, in the Flickr set.